This is not a real post.. It's just for convenience sake.

Just trying to get my ducks in a row.  Made a wallpaper for my tablet/phone out of one of my paintings (much brightened), so maybe if i lose it, someone will be nice and follow the instructions.  I post it here because my phone doesn't seem to want to let me upload it from anywhere else, but it does have this blog's pics... hehe.

Explaining ourselves: an Inane Social Need

Why do we feel the need to EXPLAIN OURSELVES, when clearly we have no true need to do so? How we RUN OUR OWN LIVES and pursue our OWN DREAMS, is no-one’s business but our own! It’s human nature, i suppose. An INANE SOCIAL NEED to be understood.. to be accepted. To be heard.

And so i write.

Man, believe me, it would be SO EASY to just stay here in my cozy house, with my fully-stocked STUDIO and entire room dedicated as a LIBRARY... in a city where buying any kind of FOOD i want, is cheap and available (i LOVE food!)... and with all my FAMILY AND FRIENDS that i love so much! Believe me, i am VERY THANKFUL for them all! Now THAT is a ‘rut’ that is SO easy and comfortable to stay in!

Instead, i plan on leaving all that comfort, to go to a place where it’s not uncommon for the weather to dip to -40C or lower, it’s dark most of the winter and there’s still snow on the ground in mid-June. Taking a few planes to get there, including ancient ones (OH how i hate flying). Where the grocery prices (well, ALL prices) are insanely expensive (a bottle of juice that costs $3 here, is $20 there).. i’m honestly worried if i’ll afford to be able to eat! I’ll be all by myself in an incredibly remote place where i know nobody, and i can’t come back on a whim (or for anything for that matter), because the cost would be astronomical! That basically means that once, i’m there, i’m there to stay until it’s over, however long that will take, because i won’t be able to afford to get back again! It’s an absolutely terrifying prospect!

Yet i feel the need to pull up my boot straps and do it anyway! As far as i’m concerned, STAYING in this cozy existence of mine IS the escape from reality and is the coward’s way out! There is NOTHING easy about moving to Iqaluit! No way, no how!  (WHY Iqaluit, is posted here)

I have Dreams. And sometimes those Dreams SCREAM in my ear to be heard! I can’t for the life of me, ignore them! And living in the ARCTIC is one of the loudest!

I’m in a position where the people i love are completely INDEPENDENT. They have their own lives and they live them as fully as they can or want to. I’m lucky enough to have enough REGULAR INCOME to be able to LIVE some of my own Dreams, and i’m not so stupid as to think that income will last forever! I have it NOW, and i need to USE it now, while i have it AND i have my health! *knock on wood* That’s not going to last forever either! In fact i’m kind of nervous that i’m losing that as we speak.

So now i have explained (to a degree). You either get it or you don’t. I know that my TRUE FRIENDS understand (or at least support) me. I appreciate them more than words can say.

I have always been a DREAMER and will be a Dreamer until the day i die! And hopefully, i will be able to realize as many of those Dreams as i can, before that day arrives!

(This is this post with its original template) ---> 

Compassion is one thing, but it can go too far... A Rant...

Today in my inbox, was a wonderfully powerful blog post by Wandering Earl. It was called, “This post is for my friends in Syria”. Basically boiled down... he was so concerned about his email and deadlines and being overwhelmed, and was near blasting someone for wanting to chat with him on facebook. But that someone was a friend in Syria who was wondering if this was going to be be his last night on earth, as he listened to bombs blasting in his city. This dose of reality wonderfully put life into perspective.

But... What IRKED me, was a commenter, who blithely judges, by saying she ‘hates’ people who complain about their mundane lives, when things like this are happening in the world. Her sanctimonious judgements put me off BIG time, where Earl’s contemplation was gentle and put things into perspective.

Who is SHE to judge what is important in someone’s life or not?

Plus... feeling compassion for others in their horrible situations is one thing. Letting it consume your life is another. That’s what would happen to me if i let it. And it has, a few times in my life, to the point of it being detrimental to my health and life. My compassion can become overwhelming. I have this problem? So what.. someone else is worrying about bombs. I have that problem? Who cares, it means nothing... someone else is enduring vast amounts of physical abuse by her husband. What right do i have to enjoy this yummy mocha when people in Africa don't even have clean water? How can i love something as trivial as art, with all that's going on in the world??

So where does all this leave you and your life? The problem with this sort of thinking, is that it can reduce your life to ziltch. Puts you in a place where you can't enjoy anything in your life. Absolutely nothing is more important the things that so many unfortunate souls have no choice but to endure. There is always someone else in a worse predicament.

So, Little Miss Judgeworth... unless you’re actually doing something about it... volunteering your time to help the less fortunate... do not judge other people and their ‘less important’ problems. In fact, don’t judge at all. You have no right. Heh. Just like i have no right to judge you, because who knows what sort of baggage you’re carrying to be so negative...

And thank you Earl... for a very well-written post.

Anyway yeah. My rant of the day.

An Introspection About Being STUCK & My Need to Leave

Yesterday i was writing in my RV journal about what things i would bring if i got a 22 ft C-Class, which would be big enough to have storage (using the upper bunk as my 'attic'), to live in semi-permanently. I found that i would want to bring pretty well everything that i loved to do.. past, present & probable future, and of course a sampling of most of my collections! Most of my art supplies, including encaustics & art books for inspiration & experimentation... travel-size sewing machine to make my dolls (& the occasional repair)... essential oils for medicinal purposes, to study & for concoctions... maybe some of my beading supplies... some felt for penny rugs... runes, tarot, pendulum, an altar &; my meditation pillow or bench... a Kindle (i plan to buy the next incarnation) full of books... and maybe a cappuccino machine so i can be a Barista Babe who barters capps for food & supplies! But mostly it was about the art.

I'd more than likely be alone living in an RV for fairly long periods of time, so i wanted to explore my art. Honestly though, mostly because i need SOME form of income. But that brought me to the question that's been bouncing around in my bean for many years now. I'm alone all the time in this prison cell i'm in now too... so why not just do it here... on Bowen Island... in my beautiful big new house with LOTS of room for every conceivable art form & my entire library of books for inspiration? Why not here??

If i think about art... or focusing on my spirituality (or whatever), i just can't do it. I have the desire.. the really STRONG DESIRE to do it, but.... i feel as if i am trying to trudge through air as thick as molasses. Think about actually sitting down & doing it, and it turns to knee deep muck and i'm utterly mired! There's no way on earth i can pull my feet out, the suction is so strong! Not without leaving my boots behind! And that, i believe, is symbolic of leaving my life behind. The boots are my house & my life HERE. I need to LEAVE them in order to be free to do what i want to do.

That's the FEELING. Now whether or not that's the reality, is another thing! AND the grand experiment, isn't it? Let's just see if i will actually DO all these things that i want to do, if i am free of those 'boots'! If i CAN, then the house definitely has something to do with it. If i still can't, well then... as they say... your problems will follow you no matter WHERE you roam, and that will confirm that!

I can hear people saying (& have actually been told by some)... "Just suck it up and DO it!"... "Put on your Big Girl Panties and DEAL with it!".... *sigh* Yeah, i know... but easier said than done. If i could, i would (& i have tried these tactics, among others). I'm sorry, but i truly feel i NEED to leave this place in order to go on this 'Quest' to find... SOMEthing.. i don't even know what!

Of course when it comes to Yellowknife though, i will only be able to bring what i can carry in my large backpack and a small carry-on! So only clothing (& not nearly as much as i need, considering the temp will be going from hot summer to -30C!), my weight scale (to help control my seriously flailing metabolism), some watercolour/gouache for art supplies, and maybe a few miniature samples of my collections so i can feel at home. But that's about it! If i explore art, it will have to be with gouache unfortunately (NOT my forté... i like acrylics, but they take up WAY too much room, never mind the extreme weight!). And maybe the Shambhala Meditation group is still active up there, and i can join that. That and walk! Get back into backpacking shape! We'll have to see if i actually DO these things.

Now.. about this house that i feel mired in. Before it was built, i actually did do some painting in the old cottage! I finally got the extra little bedroom wall & ceiling ripped out so that it could be added to my bedroom. It became my studio and i did paint. That was about the last time i did any real painting! Once the house was being built, i was looking forward to the studio there. I thought it would be just 6 months to a year, but it's now 5 years + and counting, and the house is still not done. I've been living in it for the last year or so (once the cottage was torn down), but without an occupancy permit. The reasons for that are too infuriatingly frustrating to mention here (not to mention lengthy), but the simple version is i just can't get tradesmen to come in to finish it. Once i've got that permit, i'm good! I DO realize that things will always need to be be done, but at that point, i won't care, because the house would finally legally be mine to live in! Know what i mean?

This perpetually unfinished status, plus the fact that the house if full of stuff that needs to be de-junked, just... freezes me. I look at what needs to be done and i get so overwhelmed, that i don't do anything! It could be the whole 'feng shui' thing too. SO much clutter & SO much unfinished... juju.. i don't know... the energy is STUCK. Hmmm. Is that 'molasses-thick air' i mentioned earlier, the heavy 'stuck' energy i'm feeling?  Hey... It could simply be a matter of feng shui and cleaning this place up!

I don't know WHAT it is, but I'M stuck! Hence the move... hence the 'experiment'. Of course there is my intense need of adventure too! Does any this make any sense?

(above is the original template that was used for this post...
Note the meandering, free bird...)

My Life in a Cupcake....

Cupcakes

It's funny... I just finished writing to my friend about what's happening in my life right now, and i ended it with the words that popped into my head... "So that's MY world in a cupcake right now!" Lol... sort of a different take on 'my world in a nutshell' i guess, but i LOVE cupcakes, so, that spilled out!

So yeah, i loved it so much, that i'm going to switch the name of my blog from 'Amber's Filawsuffy 'n Stuff' to 'My World in a Cupcake'. I think it suits me more.

Plus, on the art side of this coin, i plan to paint cupcakes now & then (on canvas, not the cupcakes themselves.. hehe), so... There you go!

My Life in a Cupcake. HEY! I like that even better!  Oooh, i see it's going to be going back and forth between the two for a while...

(This is this post with its original template) --->

Just a quick note about comments...

One thing i didn't like here on blogspot ,other than our inability to comment on a specific comment, was that when i commented in someone else's blog, i wouldn't know if they answered my comment or not, without going back & checking.  But... where was that comment i did again?  I don't remember!  *sigh*

But now... silly me... i just noticed the option that we can click when we comment, to have followup comments emailed to us!  Why hadn't i noticed that before???  Lol.  Now i'll tick that box whenever i comment, so that i can get updates on it!  I can always click 'un-follow' after i've gotten my reply!

COOLIO!  :-D

Testing Windows Live Writer….

I’m going to add some pictures…. OH… the  ‘  in I’m is not a French e with accent (stoopid keyboard)!  I have to reboot to get rid of the French, but Live Writer automatically changed it to what it’s supposed to be!  Great!

Anyway, VERY cool… look what I did to this little picture here!  I cropped it and TILTED it!   PLUS I added a copyright thingy & a ‘reflection’.  WOW.  Way easier to position the pic too, compared to the regular blogger way!  Nice!

And this…  I like being able to round the corners of a picture too!  You can set up, say, rounded corners as the default as well as the size if you want.

What else can this thing do?  Hmm.  I’m kind of tired right now, and not in the mood to explore any more. So I’ll just keep it at this for now.  But even THIS is a BIG improvement!  AND it posts it to my blogger!

I’m impressed SO far….

Ok... well, i had to save the post to Drafts in blogger, then go to blogger... Edit Posts... then publish the post.  BUT... the paragraph spaces weren't there, so i had to add them.  Still, this may be useful, just for all the stuff you can do with the pics!

Nope, wait.. i found the 'Publish this Post' button on Window's Live... so maybe if it's published directly to the blog, instead of to the drafts, the paragraphs will be there.  Well, we'll see next time...

More fun with blogger templates!

I have so much fun customizing blogs, that i offered to help another friend with her blog! We went through a few templates (i installed them for her), and she picked one that she liked. Then i left her to play with the text colours and sat back & watched, while i frequently 'refreshed' her blog.

OH, the transformations it went through! First, it went all gray, pretty template gone... then the fonts went back to basic plain stuff... then a HUGE header of her art filled the page... then she obviously ticked 'shrink to fit', and the header fit (it looked nice!), BUT... the body of the blog (the posts) was gone. There was only the Title & a description underneath there! More happened with fonts, etc, (obviously she was trying to fix whatever she did), but the body was still gone. Actually, it wasn't gone. There was just a HUGE gap between it and the header. You had to scroll down forever just to get to it! AAAAAA!

I had to leave (i had been waiting for her to accept a chat invite, so i could help her work it out, but she was obviously busy.  So in the morning, i went back into her blog to see what had happened. There were 2 or 3 superfluous HTML/Javascript gadget boxes with other versions of templates in them, so i deleted them, hoping that would solve the problem. It didn't. So i tried deleting the HTML box with the current template in it, and reverted back to the 'Simple' template she had started with. Nope. The HUGE gap was still there. Urgh! Now what? And i couldn't see anything in the actual HTML of the template. *Shrug*

So i emailed my friend Mark, who sees all and knows all. Unfortunately, in his words... "I may be able to design the inner guts of a computer and redefine the universe but I have done very little with HTML and Javascripts". Lol! So, no help there! So i then emailed the wonderful lady who created the beautiful free background we were using. It wasn't her fault, but i thought that she may have an idea what happened.

Then i went back to fiddling with it. I ended up trying to go back to the old, OLD template of OLD blogger and applied that. Then went to install the new one again, and... it was really like being back in time! Apparently doing that un-installed the new 'Template Designer' that blogger installed recently, so i had to re-install it. And when i did, and applied the appropriate 'Minima' template that one must have in order to use these free backgrounds... All of the colour & text customization changes i had made were gone but.... so was the huge gap! Low & behold, the problem was solved! Yay! I was so relieved! I emailed the nice lady & told her she doesn't need to answer, and thanks.

So... the template that i have installed right now, for this specific post (& will take a screen shot of and add at the end of this post so that one can see it after i've changed my template for my next post), is the template that my friend chose. Her blog is Art Absolutely. :-)   Isn't it cute?  I think she made a great choice!
(Note: Her blog DID look like the pic below, but she has now changed it).

Time is flying by SO FAST!! I need to travel NOW!

Time is relative, and it sure seems to be speeding up the older i get! It seems like yesterday that my little girl was just a blessed 'mistake' (hehe). And look at her now... she's 19!

Was it really 10 years ago that i was in my early 40's thinking... wow... 1/2 a century is coming up fast! And this morning i woke up to the realization that sixty is the next big number! Sixty! Like... how can that happen? I don't feel any older! I still feel like i'm 25! But just a quick look at my saggy bits will tell you i'm not! Hehe.. don't worry.. i won't subject you to that horror! Although i'm much more irresponsible now, than i was when i was 25 (OH, if you can even imagine it)!

I don't really have any regrets in my life so far, other than 'that' one. The one where i didn't go to Art School, and instead got married. Like i couldn't get married AND go to school?? What was i thinking?? *sigh* Water under the bridge, and my one and only true regret.

But MAN, all i've ever wanted to do was travel! When i was younger, with little kids, i would take the kids (or the youngest one who wasn't in school), and take off on long Road Trips! I remember one said trip with said daughter, when she was 2 yrs old, while her three brothers were in school. She & i were gone for six weeks & headed down through Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada & back up to Utah and then home (Vancouver, BC). What an incredible trip! Las Vegas for the one night of the year that it rained! What a blessing! I have never seen anything so gorgeous as Las Vegas neon reflecting off the wet pavement! You should BE so lucky as to be there when it rains!

Anyway, i digress. The point is, i'm getting old fast, and i haven't been off of this continent! Well, other than Hawaii a few years ago, Japan when i was 17, Bahamas for my honeymoon, Barbados & Venezuela for my hubbie's job interview way back when i was pregnant with my first... Oh, OK, i have been off this continent. But i haven't been to Europe & Africa & Asia as a whole, etc. I want to see the world, and time is running out!

So... I need to travel NOW! My move to Yellowknife happens in 4-1/2 months (for a year), which is a lovely start to my New Life Adventure, but really, i need to get this show on the road! Before it's too late!

(BTW, this is this post with its original template) --->

Sometimes i think too much! Hehe.

I haven't even left for Yellowknife yet, and i'm already wondering what will happen when i get back! I started writing this in my Yellowknife blog (Dreams of a Life in Yellowknife), but... considering it was about what comes after YK, i thought i'd post it here instead. Anyway, i asked Murray to make a bet. What scenario is going to happen. Assuming that nothing horrible happens, health is good with everyone, etc, and there IS a choice involved.

Yellowknife:
-- I can't find a job, or am too lonely & i bail out the end of December/beginning of January after 1/2 a year and fly home. Which is ok now that i've now given myself permission to consider this a possibility. I would have been up there on the longest day of the year and the longest night. And the Aurora is most active in the fall & spring, so that's covered too. Plus the snow. I could conceivably 'see it all' in 6 months.

-- I meet friends, enjoy my job, feel inspired, whatever, and stay the full year.

Arriving in Vancouver:
-- I get back and am so overwhelmed by having lived full-time in a 'city' (Yellowknife), that i can't wait to be a full-time recluse in my cozy country sanctuary again, and vow to never leave.

-- I get back and loved being in the city so much, that i find i need to rent a room in Vancouver just to keep my sanity. (Now this one is a good bet, i'd say... and it was Murray's bet).

-- I fly back, stay a while, just to see my friends & family. Then i load the car up to the max with all my favourite treasures (can't forget some robots, ray guns, hula girls & books, books, books!) & have Moo drive me and all my stuff back up to Yellowknife, because i loved living North of 60 so much!

-- I get back, and land on my feet running! Let's get this show on the road! I want to travel... start my vagabonding plans! Bye!... See ya! I'm off!

Hehehehe... Do i think too much or what?? :-P

(BTW, this is this post with its original template) --->